he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
