i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
