You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize