dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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