I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
