it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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