Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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