well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize