I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
