Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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