he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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