: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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