found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
