I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
