Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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