I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
