oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
