The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's always time for handjobs
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
