I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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