I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
