My hair reeks of homosexuality.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
