guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
