Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
