My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
