i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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