I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
