You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
