I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
