in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
