I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
