too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
