I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize