I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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