Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
