I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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