Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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