I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
