pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
