What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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