someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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