sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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