Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
