The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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