Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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