she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
