Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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