I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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