I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
