i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
