so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize