Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
