is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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