i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So many bounce houses so little time
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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