that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
