I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
