The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
