I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize