I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
