she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
