that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Enjoy the penises
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
