Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
