I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
