my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
