to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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