My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
