Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He felt like a one man threesome
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
